Crazy Has a Name

So I'm a bit revved up today, no doubt. I went out with some friends plus that one guy that I like. Everything was going okay, until I started to go into looney land with my looney thoughts. It's those thoughts that say, "he doesn't like me, he's ignoring and avoiding me, I'm not cute or pretty enough for him, etc.." I start thinking this way and then I start to do my usual shut down. It goes like this...First, I feel sad, rejected, bummed. Second, I become hypersensitive. Third, I shut down emotionally and become quiet and lastly I withdraw physically and emotionally concluding my shut down experience. It' really fast and subtle when it happens. This can happen in about a minute. Not bad, huh? For those who are not accustomed to my ways may think I'm just tired, but au contraire mon frère.

So after my shut down experience I came home and felt like a 13 year old girl. I cried for about a minute with real tears coming out my eyes saying....."Why don't you like me" Then I pouted for a bit and went to bed. Gosh, if there's a sequel to the movie 13 going on 30, can I play Jennifer Garner's character. I would do such a great job. I was hoping that the bad feelings would go away, but they haven't. Actually these feelings overnight mutated into the infamous "Hater virus". Fortunately, it's not contagious, but I do recommend that you do keep your distance, since the symptoms can be unpleasant. Instead of the sniffles and cough I have the whatevers and major attitude.

I just wanna be mean to someone preferable a guy, so that I can feel better about myself, but I suppose even that would be not be a good or nice choice. Damn! Thoughts like hitting the local bar or calling that guy that's interested in me sounds so tempting and the best hit for this pain, but I stop at just sharing these thoughts, because I don't want another to feel as I do. :(

Sigh! Today I just wanna end with this concluding statement. "Guys Suck!" Hope you are having a good day!