America's Most Wanted

My vacation high is wearing off now and I'm coming down with the post vacation blues. It's the banal reality of my life slowly coming to the forefront. Hmmmmm..... So, for one short week, my issues, insecurities, fears, etc... were suspended in Los Angeles and I could be myself in the Big Apple without all these totally uncool factors hanging over my head. If you throw in some monthly hormones with my post vacation blues, then you got a concoction for a super long day.

Today my mood is a bit "blah" and mellow. I want a jolt of excitement, but constant excitement can also be a curse, I guess. I'm trying to ride out these feelings, but I can't help myself from thinking about the idea of being "wanted". In other words, desired, pursued, prized, etc.... Usually, I carry around the idea that desirability is measured on one's skillz, looks, and so on. In short, things that I fail to measure up to. My internal judge is pretty harsh, and there is no winner to be found. Sometimes this judge goes on vacation, but when she comes back from her trip around the world it's back to work.

Today in particular I'm keen on this thought on being wanted, because I had a brief encounter where I felt like I was of someone's importance and time. It's a nice feeling to experience, especially when it's from the opposite sex. No, correction, it inexplicably feels good when it's by the opposite sex. Maybe I'm getting lonely or something. Don't know what it is, but perhaps this is all natural....ya know.....wanting to be loved and to love. Do you know anyone you can introduce me to? ;)